Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I wasn't asking you out...

You know when you get placed in one of those awkward situations where you are either going to have to lie to save from making someone feel stupid or tell the truth so as to keep yourself from having to deal with the issue in the future, well I was placed in one of those situations today.

I got a random text message from, now get this...from a past boyfriends trainer from the mission. Yeah I know crazy connection but nonetheless we know each other and he texted me.

He said "Hey Marisa! How are you? It's been a long time, and I just thought about ya : )"

Are you thinking what I am thinking...because if you are then you know that this is headed right to the asking out question. You can totally tell.

Anywho...we proceeded to have small talk back and forth over text messaging and then came "the question."

He said "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

This is the part where I panic because I know he is going to ask me to do something, obviously, but I am VERY much dating someone and I have no desire to go out, even if it is just as friends. Unfortunately I totally am torn on what response to give.

My thoughts: "Well I can't just tell him that I am dating someone because that is being pretty presumptuous in assuming that he is asking me out because he is interested." At the same time we aren't good friends so this isn't like old pals catching up. I am 99.99% sure that he is interest. If I lie and say I am busy then I may have to deal with the whole thing later. I will also probably have to explain that I am dating someone and I am sure he will wonder why I didn't just tell him that in the first place."

I thought about it. Talked to my mom (she is the source of all wisdom and I pretty much consult her on everything difficult in my life.) Thought about it some more and this is what I said...

"You know I am actually dating someone pretty seriously and I know it sounds lame but I think he might be really bothered if I went. Sorry." (Totally put the blame on S.O. but it was the only way to make me not feel like I was hurting his feelings. Hope you're ok with that S.O.)

Overall I think I handled it pretty well. I was truthful but I didn't have to say "I don't want to go out with you." His response was classic. He said...

"Ha ha ha! Well it's not a date!! (Of course it would be a date that is what a date is, two people that go out together. But go ahead and tell yourself that if it makes you feel better) But I understand... (now he is trying to soften the blow of him basically telling me that it was an absurd idea that I would think he wanted to take me out on a date! How did I ever get such an idea!?) I mean I am pretty might be complicated if you started to fall in love, I guess I understand : )" (Now he is building back his self esteem because I totally shot him down. I am proud of the boy. Picking himself up by his bootstraps and not an ounce of confidence lost...or so he lets on)

I most definitely chuckled to myself. I tried to give back some of the confidence that he didn't ever lose because he wasn't asking me out so how could he couldn't possibly have just gotten shot down? I said this...

"Yeah that would be bad news if I started to fall in love with you. Thanks for being understanding."

The fact that he didn't text me back just confirms the fact that he indeed WAS asking me out because if he wasn't he would have been able to muster a "Well it was good to chat with you." or something like that but I got nothin.

My advice for these situations...tell the truth. Things always work out better when you do plus an interesting dialogue might come of it.


Anonymous said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Haha! Classic! Great Story. And I agree about just telling the truth upfront. So much easier in the long run

Woolysheep said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Honest is always best. Congrats to you for having the guts to be honest. Some folks don't.

If you ever find yourself where you aren't sure if a date request is coming here is another way to handle it...

Scenario 1
Him: What are you doing tomorrow night?

Her: Nothing (if this is true). What's up?

Him: Oh how about we get together for some drinks/dinner/whatever?

Her: (Shoot him down nicely)Oh I'm sorry I seeing someone.

You have been honest but not presumptuous.

Scenario 2

Him: What are you doing tomorrow night?

Her: Nothing (if this is true). What's up?

Him: Our Christmas program director has found himself short a few villagers for the living Creche could you step in?

By just inserting the "What's up?" part you don't inadvertently end up looking like you think you are all that when someone ISN'T asking you out. Most of the time you can tell when it is happening but when texting you don't have the advantage of being able to read voice patterns and body language to back up your assumptions. A simple question can leave both your dignity and honor intact.

Hane-nahMarie said...Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

ooo, hoo hoo hoooo! uh. laughing! Um, i've got too much to say about this. I'll just have to blog abot it sometiem and send it to ya. But yea, you're totally right and every point. Oh that boy! Just fess up ya know? there's nothing embarassing about having interest and asking them on a date and them havin gthem say, well not worth your time cuz i'm dating someone! haha He kinda messed up in the end there. hehe