Dichotomy

I realized that I often have somewhat of a dichotomy (props to S.O. for teaching me this word. yeah he is a smarty pants) when it comes to social events.

We were chatting at our office pot luck lunch about our different needs when it comes to alone time, unwinding from work etc. I expressed that I most definitely need my alone time. It doesn’t matter who it is but if I haven’t had a sufficient amount of alone time I don’t want to be around you. That is just the plain simple truth of it.

This leads me to the dichotomy I experience when I am invited to a social event. Most likely my initial reaction is that I don't want to go, I want some alone time. This mostly occurs when it is going to be a bit out of my comfort zone (doing something I don't normally do, going with people I don't know very well, I am intimidated by the people that are going, etc.) This is when the dichotomy occurs because I realize that I am being anti social and that I really should go out. I also know that I usually end up having a good time and that it is totally worth my while. This however does not make the decision easy. I am literally fighting against my natural response to want to sit at home in my jammies and spend some quality time with my lap top to get myself to go out and socialize like a "normal" 21 year old.

So after going back and forth and agonizing over the decision for probably a couple hours I finally make a decision. Most times it ends up being the jammies and quality lap top time but occasionally I break out of the comfort zone and do something social. Usually I come back feeling so proud of myself and really having had a good time. You would think that this would help diminish the dichotomy from occurring in the future but it doesn't and I go through the whole process every time I get a social invite. Is this weird? Am I the only one out there who sometimes struggles to be the "social butterfly?"