The sun shines in the winter?

Honestly because my past three winters have been spent in Idaho I really had the realization (now that I am not in Idaho) that the sun does occasionally shine in the winter time.

I worked at the counseling center on the BYU-Idaho campus while I was in school and one of the most common things that people would come in for was for SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Not lying this was a really prevalent disorder in Rexburg because of the lack of sunshine during the winter months which basically begins the end of October until the beginning of April.

I think that I suffered from SAD. The depression I felt in the winter was crazy! I literally craved sunshine! My body just needs it. Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t seeing a counselor or taking drugs but there was a definite damper on things because of the lack of sunshine.

Now that I live in Provo I am amazed that the sun still shines even when it is winter time! I wake up in the morning and on my drive to work I still have to pull out my sunglasses. It is such a weird sensation to put your sunglasses on when it is cold outside. Who woulda thought you would still have need of sunglasses in the winter.

The point, I LOVE that I can still see the sun in the winter even when my most recent winter experiences have taught me otherwise.

I wasn't asking you out...

You know when you get placed in one of those awkward situations where you are either going to have to lie to save from making someone feel stupid or tell the truth so as to keep yourself from having to deal with the issue in the future, well I was placed in one of those situations today.

I got a random text message from, now get this...from a past boyfriends trainer from the mission. Yeah I know crazy connection but nonetheless we know each other and he texted me.

He said "Hey Marisa! How are you? It's been a long time, and I just thought about ya : )"

Are you thinking what I am thinking...because if you are then you know that this is headed right to the asking out question. You can totally tell.

Anywho...we proceeded to have small talk back and forth over text messaging and then came "the question."

He said "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

This is the part where I panic because I know he is going to ask me to do something, obviously, but I am VERY much dating someone and I have no desire to go out, even if it is just as friends. Unfortunately I totally am torn on what response to give.

My thoughts: "Well I can't just tell him that I am dating someone because that is being pretty presumptuous in assuming that he is asking me out because he is interested." At the same time we aren't good friends so this isn't like old pals catching up. I am 99.99% sure that he is interest. If I lie and say I am busy then I may have to deal with the whole thing later. I will also probably have to explain that I am dating someone and I am sure he will wonder why I didn't just tell him that in the first place."

I thought about it. Talked to my mom (she is the source of all wisdom and I pretty much consult her on everything difficult in my life.) Thought about it some more and this is what I said...

"You know I am actually dating someone pretty seriously and I know it sounds lame but I think he might be really bothered if I went. Sorry." (Totally put the blame on S.O. but it was the only way to make me not feel like I was hurting his feelings. Hope you're ok with that S.O.)

Overall I think I handled it pretty well. I was truthful but I didn't have to say "I don't want to go out with you." His response was classic. He said...

"Ha ha ha! Well it's not a date!! (Of course it would be a date that is what a date is, two people that go out together. But go ahead and tell yourself that if it makes you feel better) But I understand... (now he is trying to soften the blow of him basically telling me that it was an absurd idea that I would think he wanted to take me out on a date! How did I ever get such an idea!?) I mean I am pretty attractive...it might be complicated if you started to fall in love, I guess I understand : )" (Now he is building back his self esteem because I totally shot him down. I am proud of the boy. Picking himself up by his bootstraps and not an ounce of confidence lost...or so he lets on)

I most definitely chuckled to myself. I tried to give back some of the confidence that he didn't ever lose because he wasn't asking me out so how could he couldn't possibly have just gotten shot down? I said this...

"Yeah that would be bad news if I started to fall in love with you. Thanks for being understanding."

The fact that he didn't text me back just confirms the fact that he indeed WAS asking me out because if he wasn't he would have been able to muster a "Well it was good to chat with you." or something like that but I got nothin.

My advice for these situations...tell the truth. Things always work out better when you do plus an interesting dialogue might come of it.

Dichotomy

I realized that I often have somewhat of a dichotomy (props to S.O. for teaching me this word. yeah he is a smarty pants) when it comes to social events.

We were chatting at our office pot luck lunch about our different needs when it comes to alone time, unwinding from work etc. I expressed that I most definitely need my alone time. It doesn’t matter who it is but if I haven’t had a sufficient amount of alone time I don’t want to be around you. That is just the plain simple truth of it.

This leads me to the dichotomy I experience when I am invited to a social event. Most likely my initial reaction is that I don't want to go, I want some alone time. This mostly occurs when it is going to be a bit out of my comfort zone (doing something I don't normally do, going with people I don't know very well, I am intimidated by the people that are going, etc.) This is when the dichotomy occurs because I realize that I am being anti social and that I really should go out. I also know that I usually end up having a good time and that it is totally worth my while. This however does not make the decision easy. I am literally fighting against my natural response to want to sit at home in my jammies and spend some quality time with my lap top to get myself to go out and socialize like a "normal" 21 year old.

So after going back and forth and agonizing over the decision for probably a couple hours I finally make a decision. Most times it ends up being the jammies and quality lap top time but occasionally I break out of the comfort zone and do something social. Usually I come back feeling so proud of myself and really having had a good time. You would think that this would help diminish the dichotomy from occurring in the future but it doesn't and I go through the whole process every time I get a social invite. Is this weird? Am I the only one out there who sometimes struggles to be the "social butterfly?"

Flaunting Feathers

I have recently joined a gym, only because now that I am no longer a student and don't have access to a school gym anymore. I have never really been a big fan of gyms mostly because I am not a big fan of working out in front of a bunch of people.

I am not particularly bothered by people seeing me sweat or get all red (because I do both when I work out) but it is more the fact that I am in public and with being in public comes certain rules that should be followed. On that note many of the people at the gym do not follow these rules of public conduct and frankly it makes being at the gym a not so pleasant experience.

For one I don't know what it is about working out that gives people the idea that it is ok to show an uncomfortable amount skin. There are most definitely people there that should NOT be wearing what they are wearing. Just because you're working out doesn't all of the sudden make it ok to wear things that a super model or a body builder would wear.

Watching all this parading around makes me think of peacocks. You know how peacocks fan out their feathers and stick out their chests. This is what I think of when I am at the gym. I see a bunch of little peacocks walking around fanning their feathers and trying to look as good as they possibly can. However this little peacock isn't all that excited to show off my feathers (not saying that I have any to show off) so all this feather fanning makes me a little uncomfortable which causes my dislike of the gym.

[Some of that might also be the fact that working out is PAINFUL but I am pretty sure it is the uncomfortable feeling. Getting to the gym isn't hard for me at all...I am pretty much UNLIKE every other person in the world who usually struggles to have the motivation to go work out. I practically live for going to get some good exercise!] *Note if you did not catch the sarcasm there know that pretty much every day is a struggle for me to get to the gym. Don't start feeling bad about yourself because it is hard for you too.

In an ideal world I would love to have that whole place to myself...but seeing as how that is probably never going to happen I guess I will just have to get more into one of the shows on one of the 6 T.V.s as an attempt to try and distract myself from the parade of feathers going on around me.

Random Thoughts

I have this horrible dilemma. When I don't get a chance to blog all my ideas build up and my little sticky notes with my blog ideas start to over take my desk. I can't just throw them out though because I really want to write about them but usually by time I get around to actually writing about each of the items on my list they either aren't "timely" as we say in PR or I would just will feel stupid posting like 10 posts all at once. To solve this problem I decided to just do a post with all my random thoughts. Cover all my ideas on my list and then I can move on! So here we go...

1. I was mentioned on Holly's blog and that is BIG! This girl has a following and she is probably one of the best bloggers I know. So the fact that she said MY name on HER blog pretty much made my day...no my week...no pretty much my whole blogging life.

2. I don't understand why everyone thinks I am such a Grinch for refusing to listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving. I started playing Christmas music (because it is after Thanksgiving) and I keep getting comments like this "Oh so now it is ok to listen to Christmas music." Yeah, NOW it is ok. It is just my little way of giving Thanksgiving the proper attention that it deserves after that I am ALL about the Christmas music. I'm not a Christmas music hater I'm a Christmas music lover.

3. Totally worked on my budget the other day and I am BLOWN away by how quickly my money goes. You would think I would have more savings by now but I don't and really I am wondering where all my money keeps going. I think someone is eating it...

4. Apparently there are still pirates out on the open waters. After reading this article I wasn't all that excited to go hop on a ship anytime soon.

5. Got up at 6:00 a.m. ...yeah that is right 6:00 A.M. to work out. Miracle. Yes.